I don’t want to say too much in detail,
1) because there’s too much to say
and 2) because I actually can’t remember all the events.
Main pointers:
- Feeling God around me all the time. In what we did and said and in the people around me. However, it didn’t feel like any rush of chills down my spine or anything. Instead, it was like wearing a different set of lens and understanding those feelings inside you that you always had and connecting it to God’s presence in your life
- Not getting to know a lot of people—this was good and bad. I thought we were going to have a lot of time to mingle with everyone, but most of the time we stayed with our designated families. And so I got close to them. More on that in a bit. But I know for sure that I enjoy sticking to a select few and hanging out with them rather than spending distributed amounts of time with acquaintances.
- Second chances. Always.
- Being a bro. The girls in my family were kind of quiet and reserved (I still connected with them though), and so I spent more of my time hanging out with the guys. In a. manly way. Including punching, high fives, fist bumps, being super witty, lots of manly noises and being super loud. And damn, was it a good experience. I wasn’t that sweet cutesy-wootsy girl that tried to get everyone to like me. I was independent, did my own thing, and did whatever felt right in the moment. And I felt extremely cool and strong. And it was weird to be so included with the guys, and not be affiliated with them. They were bros and I was a bro and all was well and loud and funny.
- Being a badass. ie: being extremely witty. As in, guys better know what kind of girl they’re dealing with. No girly flirting, no begging, no chasing, nothing. I spoke my mind, and got respect for that. And amazingly, it caused people to want to come up to me in order to get to know me. And that felt extremely cool.
- Devoting my entire self to God: My body ached everywhere after retreat. My knees are bruised, my lower back hurts from kneeling, my neck hurts from strain, my face hurts from sunburn, my eyes are puffy from crying, and my nose is extremely irritated by all the tissues. But even though my body aches, my mind feels so light and at peace. And it was worth it.
- The appreciation of everything around me. The people, the moments, the situations I was in; good and bad I thanked everything that had happened. Because I grew from them and it brought me to that moment and from that moment I was able to grow this much out of it. And gosh, it was miraculous.
My crippling heart of stone has undergone a massive recovery as opposed to how it was a month ago. There’s a lot of cracks and gaps and a giant shield around it, but slowly I’m hoping that it will heal and be bursting with the light of the Holy Spirit. And I won’t need harmful people or materialistic things to fill those holes, because by then I want to be complete. And then I will be able to give back unconditionally once again. I’m growing and I’m healing in whatever way I can. And for now, this seems like the best way to do it.
